Mom & Me Four Archive

    I don't consider myself primarily a caregiver to a parent with dementia, Alzheimer's or not. I identify myself as my mother's companion. She asked me to accompany her through her last years in 1993. I assented. I also identify myself as my mother's caregiver and "a caregiver to an Ancient One". At least as often as I talk about taking care of her, I talk about accompanying her. I more often talk about the journey I'm on with my mother rather than the task of taking care of her.
    I do not identify my mother primarily as a woman with dementia. She exhibits a form of mild dementia which I call "Dementia-Lite". For a personal definition, click into the Who Am I? podcast. I identify her primarily as my mother, a woman, like all other people, with an eccentric spirit, character and personality, all of which I am more likely to take into account when writing about our journey than I am her dementia. As well, I more often fret about the challenge presented to me by her other health issues than by her dementia. I am more likely to muse about and describe her dementia. If anything, in regard to all her "conditions", I put the highest emphasis on her status as An Ancient One, not on her status as A Demented One or An Ailing One.
    I didn't begin my essaying and journaling with the intention of writing about what it's like to take care of a elderly parent with dementia. I have, over and over, described my journals, within these journals, as an account of my journey with my mother as she travels her Ancient years. In my audio introduction I begin by talking about my journals as being a report of my companionship of my mother in her Ancient Years. Only twice in my introduction do I use words related to "care". Only once do I refer to her dementia.
    My intention has been, and remains, to report what it is like to be my mother's companion in her last years. Yes, she is lightly demented and will remain so. Whether this dementia progresses is another matter. Lately, since her Anemia Due to Chronic Disease has come under excellent control, I've noticed a slight improvement in her dementia. Yes, she has health issues which are sometimes well controlled and sometimes flare. Yes, many of my reactions to her, my and our circumstances are triggered by her dementia and her health issues. Overall, though, my journals are not primarily about these.
    It is probably significant to my journals and my mother's and my journey together that my mother asked me to be her final companion before she developed dementia. It is probably also significant that I wasn't moved to write about our journey until it became obvious that it was important to become her full time companion, thus, leaving the world of "gainful employment" (although I consider that I am "gaining" a tremendous amount that I'm glad I haven't missed, "employed" as her full time companion) two and a half years after I came to live with her. At that time, she wasn't displaying signs of dementia but she was displaying signs of failure to thrive, which are documented in other areas of this journal. I wasn't moved to turn my sparse online writing and posting of essays (which began in 1998) about being her final companion into journaling until after her dementia had begun to have a significant effect on our lives. Still and all, my primary intention has remained to write about our life together, not her dementia.
    I believe it is important to the integrity of my writing and journalizing that they not be defined as something they are not. No doubt they contain support for people who define their caregiving as primarily to parents with dementia. No doubt they contain a lot of material about an elderly woman who is demented and who has a variety of health issues. Overall, though, they are about my journey with my Ancient mother through her final years, not about taking care of a parent with Dementia-Lite and health issues.

# posted by Gail Rae @ 09:52    email......this post