Mom & Me Four Archive

my mother has been experiencing intensive visits from relatives in The Dead Zone. At the end of each visit, all of which have taken place during her night and nap sleeps, we've spent a lot of time (in between Bette Davis movies), discussing who's dead, who's not and details of lives and deaths. Sometimes as well, as you already know from recent postings, I've gone along with with her perceptions, especially when they lead to reminiscences of times spent with these relatives. One aspect of these recent visits has been that, somewhere in the middle of our discussions, whether they occur in "my" reality or "hers", a period of agitation has entered in which she "remembers" that we need to contact "someone" to find out "something" about "some trip" we are scheduled to take and who we will be meeting on this trip. At first, I was sure that the trip to which she was referring was her upcoming routine PCP visit scheduled for 9/12/06. Each time I've mentioned it, though, she's pondered it and told me, "No, that's not it." Early this morning, after she'd initially retired at 0045, she was up, again, at 0115, eager to begin yet another Dead Zone discussion and further agitated about "what we need to do" about the upcoming trip, which still wasn't our appointment trip. We talked for a good 45 minutes about this, both of us trying hard to attach meaning and significance to what she was remembering and, finally, confusing ourselves and each other until she finally said, "Well, I think we both need to sleep on this. Maybe it will be clearer in the morning." I agreed.
    This morning I awoke with, well, not exactly a solution, but an idea of the generation of this impending second trip. A little before all these discussions started, less than a day, I think, I casually mentioned to her that we need to renew her military ID. Soon after, I placed a call to the VA here to find out if she could renew in town. I'm not sure why, but the person to whom I talked (and whom I continue to reach every time I've called in the last few days) tells me that they are checking on her "status" to make sure she's eligible to use the facility here for renewal. At this point, I'm pretty much at my wit's end, because this person has also been telling me that I do not need to bring in documentation. Most of these calls have taken place while she's been awake and, of course, she's listened, although the information hasn't registered for very long until it slips into her chasm of dementia. I've just about decided that if I continue to get the run around, we'll just show up at the facility next week, ID card and documentation in hand, and see if renewal granted. If not, and I've mentioned this to my mother, also casually, we'll make arrangements to take a day trip to a Phoenix facility very soon and have it renewed.
    Now, I'm thinking that it is this casually mentioned extra trip that has her befuddled. I'm considering that her determination that we need to contact "someone in the family" regarding her memory of an upcoming trip is connected to the series of phone calls between myself and the VA regarding whether we need to take a day trip to Phoenix. "The family" is the VA office here, with whom I've been in contact.
    I'm planning on explaining all this to her when she awakens, in the hopes that this will help clear up her confusion, if only momentarily. Sometimes after momentary clarity drops into her demential abyss, it reappears later, without explanation, and resolves whatever matter is causing her agitation. So, my explanation will be an attempt to set this stage. Maybe it will work, maybe it won't.
    At any rate, despite this, our days continue to be trouble-free and easy. She's still reacting to the humidity, which dropped for a day and rose again overnight as the monsoon has turned back on itself and us, but this has been easily negotiated. Although I'm enjoying the rain and the high humidity, she is not. On her behalf I hope we return to dry, light days soon. She continues, as she has through most of the monsoon, to occasionally mention that "We don't have to live here, you know, we could live anywhere." This is an indication that she's more than a little uncomfortable with the effect this weather is having on her.
    I'm going to try rousing her in a few minutes, an hour before her official 12-hour-night-sleep mark, since she awoke "early" on her own, yesterday. We'll see how it goes.
    Later, and, hopefully, more interestingly.