Monday, July 10, 2006
Quick Visit Takes While I Have a Minute
- It seemed to me like Mom slept a lot more than usual but last night when I reviewed stats as I was entering them over at The Dailies I noticed that she slept about the same. On Friday she didn't even take a nap. Her bedtime moved back and her arisings moved up but she'd already started to creep up to 14 hours-sleep-time alone in the weeks before the visit.
- Mom's blood sugar ran a tad high but that was mainly lagging medication management. She ate well...hearty and not too refined. As is usual during visits, I became distracted enough to mismanage her hydration into a minor dehydrated state which showed up, yesterday, as a headache upon awakening. It disappeared during breakfast and fastidious water torture but reappeared later, so I not only pushed more liquids but gave her a second adult buffered aspirin. She took a nap, but nothing unusual. She seemed to be feeling chipper last night. 'Early' bedtime again.
- Mom was very aware of and interactive with company. She had no problem remembering who they were and asking after them. She, as usual, displayed a wry perspective of her and my relationship and a few times sought to belittle my role but this time I wasn't bothered [Maturity encroaching, perhaps?]. She did not venture outside. I'm not sure why. I invited her several times, as I, MPS and MPNC spent a lot of time outside, but, this time, she didn't budge. Might have been that we were doing a lot of walking around the property. Might have been the weather. It was pretty volatile and during the visit we got the heaviest, longest rain of the monsoon season.
- Apples to Apples. Yes. That's curious. We played it twice, once Thursday evening, with popcorn, and once Friday evening before dinner.
Let me describe the game, as well as editorialize on it. It is amazingly uncompetitive. Much of it relies on judgment and interpretation. The rules are extremely flexible and The Judge (which changes with each round) can be as silent or loquacious as she wishes. Having said this, here is a description of the game:- The game consists of two sets of cards, one marked with green apples, the stack of which sits central to the players, and one marked with red apples, from which seven cards apiece are dealt to the players and from which the players replenish cards as they are used.
- The Judge for the round deals out seven Red Apple cards to the players and turns up a Green Apple card in an area central to the players. It contains a word with a definition, sometimes cultural, sometimes dictionarial. The players each peruse their Red Apple cards, each of which contains a word with a definition, blah, blah, blah. Players must choose, from their seven cards, a card which they consider a match, an antithesis or somehow evocative of any aspect of the word on the Green Apple card. This card is then laid 'at the feet' of the Green Apple card in the middle, face down.
- The Judge collects the offered Red Apple cards, shuffles them out of her line of vision then reads them. She judges them according to her own preferences and selects one that she thinks best evokes, for her, the word on the Green Apple card.
- The Judge's Selected One collects the Green Apple card she sufficiently evoked and becomes The Judge for the next round.
- The Judge may or may not explain her choice; may or may not reveal the other offerings; may or may not defend her choice. Being a verbal family, we tended toward extemporaneous oral explanations.
Oh. I forgot. The object of the game is to collect the most Green Apple cards. This means, of course, that, pre-game, a limit must be set. We didn't do this and stopped playing, both times, when people got tired of it, although the shortest session was about an hour, I think.
Mom's behavior was priceless. She fussed over her cards and truly acted at sea for most of the game. She had to be coached, each round, to place her own cards down and attend to the offerings; to not turn all the offerings up; to keep her own cards hidden. Then, she had to make a subjective decision. This is when she suddenly morphed into Ms. Keen. Her eyes narrowed. She studied the cards and you could see her relating to each word, even if she was having a hard time making out the relationships. Then she'd throw out her choice, offhand, as though she'd given it no consideration. She played exactly the same as player as she did as judge.
See, though, this is the thing. The game leaves a lot of leeway for interpretation. So much so that it is possible that my mother was not playing out of some deeper wisdom (or, at least, treasure trunk). Maybe she was playing at random and the rest our our interpretive little minds were filling in the blanks in her mind. At any rate, she hung in both sessions. She did not, though, find the game amusing, although, I have to say, it certainly opened her eyes for awhile. However, when I pointed out that the game is not fit to be played by two people, my mother responded, "Thank goodness for that!"
As to whether the game would be appropriate for your mother, Deb, that's a hard call to make. If the reason my mother took to it is because she is not inclined to frustration even when she's frustrated, then I would say, no, probably not a good idea. I don't honestly don't know if my mother will ever play the game again. She didn't have a bad experience and she was certainly alert, engaged, working and finding it somewhat pleasurable, but well, her frustration toleration level was reached both times. At this time I am not considering buying the game for us.
The other question, of course, is whether your mother would be uncomfortable allowing the subconscious collection part of her brain free reign. Although my mother was perfectly able to do so, she wasn't comfortable doing it. I think her discomfort arose from her inability to "watch what she was doing". This may be a disablement of dementia. - Before the visit was over Mom was forgetting it. Both Friday night and Saturday morning she thought MPS and MPNC had gone. Nor did she utter any preference toward their presence or absence.
- I learned exactly what it is that I find the most unbearable about in-house visits: My inability to procure alone time in the morning when I first awaken. Although I don't consider any of my time, now, truly alone time, as I do not live alone and my senses are critically tuned to my housemate, even when she is sleeping, especially in the early morning or late evening, I am able to grab some more-than-marginally-meaningful alone time. When people are staying at the house, well, I can't. I don't have free movement through the house; freedom to manipulate sounds and lights; the ability to fool within my mind while unobstructed (as possible, anyway, with my mother always in the mute foreground) by the presence and thoughts of others. It is frustrating for me. I mentioned this to MPS.
- I also talked about a lot of stuff related to me being the Mom Caregiver in the family, inarticulately and with much confusion. I guess, for that stuff, it just wasn't the right time for expression, but I think my obvious struggle forgave any missteps or clumsiness. I may write more about this later. I'm sure I will. It requires refinement, though. It's hard to remember what you don't well express.
Later.
Comments:
<< Home
originally posted by Deb Peterson: Mon Jul 10, 04:57:00 PM 2006
Gail--Apples to Apples interests me--I like that there isn't a "right" or "wrong" answer. I'm not sure how my mother would react but I'm imagining that I, like you, would be watching what she does and interpreting it. My mother is having increasing difficulty speaking the words she wants to say, so I wonder if reading them is just as problematic for her? Well, I'm interested enough to pursue this further.
It sounds in the end like the visit with your sister and niece was a nice stimulation for you and Mom, without being too much. I do understand about the "alone" time--it's part of your daily rhythm, maybe a time of replenishment for you. So you will feel it when some or all of it is taken away. But now you're moving back into the regular rhythm which might seem just a little more precious now that it's regained. (I have to admit that I did miss your daily entry but now things are okay...!)
Gail--Apples to Apples interests me--I like that there isn't a "right" or "wrong" answer. I'm not sure how my mother would react but I'm imagining that I, like you, would be watching what she does and interpreting it. My mother is having increasing difficulty speaking the words she wants to say, so I wonder if reading them is just as problematic for her? Well, I'm interested enough to pursue this further.
It sounds in the end like the visit with your sister and niece was a nice stimulation for you and Mom, without being too much. I do understand about the "alone" time--it's part of your daily rhythm, maybe a time of replenishment for you. So you will feel it when some or all of it is taken away. But now you're moving back into the regular rhythm which might seem just a little more precious now that it's regained. (I have to admit that I did miss your daily entry but now things are okay...!)
originally posted by Mona Johnson: Tue Jul 11, 06:08:00 AM 2006
Hi Gail,
Glad you are getting back into your routine. I find when I don't get enough alone time, I develop a dementia of sorts!
Interesting about your mom being uncomfortable with the subconscious part of the Apples to Apples game. I think some people with even mild dementia lose their inhibitions and would have no problem with that part of the game.
Post a Comment
Hi Gail,
Glad you are getting back into your routine. I find when I don't get enough alone time, I develop a dementia of sorts!
Interesting about your mom being uncomfortable with the subconscious part of the Apples to Apples game. I think some people with even mild dementia lose their inhibitions and would have no problem with that part of the game.
<< Home
